The Art of Losing.

Intramural flag football is fun, but also frustrating. Knowing that our team was athletically superior to another team, you would think that it would be a no-brainer that we would win this game. Given our experience playing football, knowledge, speed, and even height advantages, we should win the majority of the games that we play. However, we all know that no matter how great you think you are, not everything will go your way.

Last play of the game, we were down by one point. Our team lined up for a hail mary pass attempt. Surely one of our tall guys from the outside would be able to get to it so we could win the game! Hut...snap...throw...and the ball was swatted away by a defender. Sobering. We lost the game though logistically, the odds were in our favor. Everyone has to lose someday.

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If you are a fan of losing, then you probably aren't human. Nobody likes to lose. One similarity between NFL quarterback, Peyton Manning, and the quarterback for a local peewee ball club is their competitiveness. They want to win. As a young man who follows Jesus and as some of you who may be reading that don't, we both like to win. It's natural for us to want to win, but I'd really like to express my thoughts about life, in terms of losing.

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This past year and a half has been the most rewarding time when it comes to growth, but I owe that to the fact that God planned it as a year and a half of losing. Here, I am not talking about losing a loved one (though I hope if you are reading this and have experienced that recently, that you can still get a lot out of this post) but I am more so speaking of losing emotionally, relationally, financially, mentally, and in life circumstances. 

The flag football game is kind of how life goes for us sometimes. We try our best, put our best foot forward, pray, become selfless (or so we think), make every attempt to gain success, and at the end, lose. I can study 15 hours in one week for my test and still fail, just like I can do all of the right things in a relationship and it not work out. I can have the greatest resume in the world, and a company could not like my application. I can be the hardest working guy in an organization yet never receive the position that I want. I can have the kindest family, but never be able to have a child of my own.

Losing sucks, but I believe that the Lord uses this to grow His children. James, Jesus' half-brother, wrote a letter in the Bible which is self-titled as the book of James. In Chapter 1, verses 2-4, he says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

If you are reading this, your trials may not look like persecution, which was going on with the tribes that James wrote to. However, there are various trials, just as James explains, that will grow us. This can include anything from someone having to go through a medical issue such as Diabetes to another having to plan the funeral service for their mother. There are trials that we can't control. There are losses that we can't prevent. From what God has shown me this past year, here is what I have learned from this art of losing.

1. I am not as good as I think I am.

As I have mentioned in our flag football story, though we had all of the necessary components to win, we didn't. Sure, we could have planned our plays. Sure, we could have practiced with each other more. You can always do more, but maybe we weren't as good as we thought we were. And that's okay. Our competitive spirits were crushed, however, for the Christian, that doesn't touch what God has for me eternally. Though you treated him with respect and loved him for who he is does not mean the relationship will work out. Though you take care of your body unlike your friends, you may still develop cancer. Though you work hard, you may never get that raise. Whatever we pursue, even with a seemingly pure heart, we may not obtain. And that's okay, we don't deserve it anyways.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

I think that I know what's best for myself. However, if that were the case, all of my self-provision efforts would have worked out the way that I wanted them to. The truth is, my heart is sick. Your heart is sick. Ephesians 2 says that we are all by nature children of wrath! We deserve wrath because of our sin. It's not as if I can be good enough for good things to happen in my life, because I am not good, at all. Nobody is good. So, the fact that we think that we deserve anything, is completely a lie. You and I deserve death because we actively put things above our Creator. We actively love things above Him. But, not only does He give us everything necessary to breathe air, but He gives us every other blessing that you and I forget about when we complain about what we don't have. And for the Christian, He takes it a step further and gives us life with Him, at the cost of His perfect Son, Jesus Christ. 

We don't deserve anything. This truth is foundational to life. Once we realize that everything is a gift undeserved, we can start being grateful for the love that has been shown to us.

2. I do not control my life.

Paul, who wrote a chunk of letters in the Bible, confesses this in 2 Corinthians 12 when he literally pleads with the Lord to take a thorn in his flesh away. There's times where I've wanted, even pleaded with God to bring me something, take away a trial, make people accept me, and whatever else one may think of.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

God could have taken away that thorn, but He didn't. He has all of the power to change the situation, but He doesn't. God is in control, and just as He told Paul, His grace is all we need. When we attempt to control what happens in our lives, we do not trust in God. If I do everything I can to avoid losing in life by taking the safe road, the wide path, and easy street, then that proves that God is not enough for me. It proves that I do not trust Him when He leads me to something sticky. He tells me to trust Him; all I have to do is follow. Taking a loss in life reveals our control, which is nonexistent. This is important to grasp because, when God shakes things up in our lives, we have the knowledge and ability to hold on to Jesus Christ, our immovable anchor.

3. Therefore, I can breathe.

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Matthew 14:22-33

Because of God's love for us, He will take us through life so that we can learn to trust Him. Peter, who Jesus affirms as the rock of the church, failed to trust Jesus in this storm. We fail to trust Him in our lives. Even though we are faithless at times, we can breathe. When life blows up, and every idol that we have tried to make God fails us, Jesus is standing there. He is not standing there shaking His head and angry with us, but He is welcoming us to put our trust in Him, and Him alone. Therefore, when we lose at life, when what we love in this world is taken away, or when we are not accepted by others because of our ethnicities, where we are from, or what we stand for, we can rest easy. 

So I am free to lose, as weird as that sounds. Our losses can only push us to trust in the One that we will never lose! Breathe!

4. Bitterness is a choice and Love is better one.

As for the "losses" themselves, you may have an exhaustive list of people that have hurt you. We are all sinners and all capable of hurting one another, so everyone should share some level of hurt. Therefore, we all have experienced some variation of emotional and mental loss. For example, you may feel mistreated by friends, or even feel as if you've been gossiped about and even "stabbed in the back." Pain. In a dating relationship, the one that you have invested your time and life into informs you that they don't think that it will work out. Curveball. For me, I have experienced racial discrimination. This is a problem that will not be eradicated until Jesus is back for us, but it is a problem nonetheless. This does a number of things to me. 

First, it messes with my sense of identity. As a son of the Most High King, that is my first and foremost identity. I am royalty because of Jesus. However, when I am affected by racial discrimination and lose sight of how I am viewed primarily, I identify myself as merely a black man, not accepted by whoever I am seeking approval from.  C.S. Lewis hits the head on the reality of human hurt in this quote from His book, The Problem of Pain. Lewis says, 

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”

I love that quote, because it reminds me of how real my pain is. Therefore, we must address this pain at the root of it before it becomes something more. We are hurt, and immediately we direct that hurt in the form of bitterness to one of three persons: another person, God, or ourselves. We are bitter to the people that hurt us because we feel that we deserve more from them. We are sick of God because, in His infinite control, He allowed this to happen to us when we deserve better. We are tired of ourselves, because in our limited control, we can never get anything meaningful accomplished. Bitterness only affects one person: the one who holds the bitterness.

There has to be a better alternative for the soul than killing others in our hearts, and ourselves. This alternative is love. Jesus said in Matthew 5:38-42, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you."

The Son of God was not passive by any means, but He realized that love is the only way to live freely. He said that it is the greatest commandment. He shows us this love for us by dying on the cross for us. He did this for all of His enemies; including you and me. Our disobedience costed Him His life, so that we may live. 

Love is my favorite but, most puzzling word. I am still learning how to love my friends, family, strangers, and enemies, and if true love was shown on the Cross, then I have never given it away; as much as I believe I have. I will never fully comprehend the Lord's love, but He gives us the example of Jesus and His unselfishness. Jesus submitted and took the loss for us so that we could gain life.

Due to my life being bought at that price, I am enabled to genuinely love people when they hurt me. I am enabled to go above and beyond and pray for my enemies. I am able to forgive the ugliest trespasses, because of what I have gained by the forgiveness of God in my trespasses.

5. Any loss for the sake of Christ is worth it.

Job, from the bible, is the biggest loser ever. The Bible describes him as blameless and upright. He feared the Lord and turned from evil. You would think that God would put a forcefield over this guy, right? If we were a god, we surely would. But God is out for His glory, and He is willing to test us so that we can praise Him all the more. God allowed Satan to take away Job's children, possessions, health, and much more. Job was afflicted, yet he says in chapter 13 of his book, "Though He slay me, I will hope in him." 

I believe that the Lord wants more like Job.

What if I told you that any loss in this world doesn't matter? Yes, pain is real. Emotional and mental hurt can drive us wild. We lose and feel lost because of it. However, the same Paul who wrote 2 Corinthians wrote these verses in Philippians. There are thousands of verses in scripture that I could point you to, and I encourage you to read the Word for yourself so the Lord can reveal these things to you more personally. But for me, these verses hit me like a brick wall when I read them earlier this week. 

Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Philippians 1:18-21

By life, or by death.

To live is Christ.

To die is gain.

To follow Jesus is so much more than cheering on Tim Tebow and standing for conservative views in politics. The Christian life is all about taking losses, knowing that you have won the ultimate prize: life. Why do you think missionaries leave everything they own to tell people about what He has done? Why would people not deny Him when they face persecution, only to be killed? Why would Christians kill their desires, hopes, and dreams, only to obey Him? Simply because He is worth it.

God is perfect. In His perfection, has created us to glorify Him by living a holy life. But in our selfishness, idolatry, and sin we have failed to reach that standard since the day that Adam and Eve failed to obey in the garden. This is our biggest loss. God is perfect, so in order for us to have a relationship with Him, we must be perfect. 

God solved this problem for us by sending Jesus Christ, His Son, to take the loss for us who believe. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and defeated the power of sin, satan, and death forever by proving that He was who He said He was by resurrecting on the third day. That is good news for our weary hearts in this world stained with sin and filled with loss. But that is not the end...

He's coming back to claim His victory by rescuing us from this world and everything in it. 

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The flag football game is kind of how life goes for us sometimes. We try our best, put our best foot forward, pray, become selfless (or so we think), make every attempt to gain success, and at the end, lose. I can study 15 hours in one week for my test and still fail, just like I can do all of the right things in a relationship and it not work out. I can have the greatest resume in the world, and a company could not like my application. I can be the hardest working guy in an organization yet never receive the position that I want. I can have the kindest family, but never be able to have a child of my own. However, there is one thing that I have received that will outlast anything I can gain in this world: life.  What I deserve, I don't get: death. Lastly, there is one name that will never fail me: Jesus.

"There are far, far better things ahead, then anything we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis